Calling Dr. Gump, Calling Dr. Gump

Yesterday, The Atlantic ran its annual head-scratcher column with its writers explaining their Hall of Fame votes. Cooperstown would be better off with chimps deciding. How could twelve voters get it wrong so often? Go no further than the five who voted for David Wright, he of the 1777 hits and 970 RBIs. No votes, though, for Paul Konerko, despite his 2340 hits and 1412 RBIs. Third base/ first base, apples to oranges? OK, if Wright belongs in the HOF, what about Robin Ventura, with 1885 hits and 1182 RBIs? Ventura had six Gold Gloves at third vs. two for Wright, by the way. And then we come to pitching, where ten voters felt the need to cast a ballot for Felix Hernandez, with 169 wins and a 3.42. Mark Buehrle, with 214 wins and a 3.81 ERA? Buehrle mustered all of three votes. The Sox lefthander had 33 complete games and ten shutouts to 25 and eleven for Hernandez. Wait, there’s more. Baseball coverage in The Athletic, normally heavy on analytics, looks the other way with Buehrle, who has a 59 WAR according to baseball-reference.com. Hernandez? Nearly ten points lower, at 49.8. Hernandez had one no-hitter, a perfect game, to Buehrle’s two, including a perfect game. But what do I know?

Not in the Least

Channel 5 did a story yesterday on whether the Bears’ win Sunday will affect their push for a new stadium. If that means public funding from Springfield, it shouldn’t in the least. The win demonstrated that need a new stadium isn’t needed to compete. No, what matters is competence—drafting, hiring, signing the right people, that’s how you win in the NFL. New stadiums don’t affect team budgets in a hard salary-cap sport. New stadiums affect ownership bank accounts and family trust funds, nothing more. There’s one talking head in particular who drives me up a wall, a self-styled sports-business guru who’s all in for spending my last dime on somebody’s stadium plan; he lives to give a quote. Yesterday, he said the “Chicago contingent,” whoever that is, had to realize the Bears weren’t staying in Chicago. Last month, he was on the radio charging it was “irresponsible” for leaders in the General Assembly to say a new Bears’ stadium wouldn’t be a priority in 2026. “Are they out of their minds?” (Marc Ganis on 670 The Score, 12-18-2025) To use this guy and throw in a quote from an Indiana politician that the Hoosier State is ready to help the McCaskeys relocate isn’t so much reporting the news as it is nudging it in a certain direction.

Which Ron?

In signing Alex Bregman to a five-year, $175 million deal, the Cubs are betting they’ll get more Ron Cey than Ron Santo. We’ll see. Bregman turns 32 on March 30. Jed Hoyer obviously thinks, hopes, his new third baseman can put up big numbers through year five. That’s where it gets interesting. Once Santo hit age 32, he managed two more good seasons before hitting the wall at age 34 (with the White Sox, of course). If the same thing happens with Bregman, that turns into $105 million tossed out the window. On the other hand, Bregman as Cey would be a good thing, at least offensively. Cey kept hitting through age 37 and was decent at age 38 (.273 BA with thirteen homeruns and 36 RBIs in 256 AB). Cey was no Santo at third, but he played well enough at a time when the NL had no dh that he wasn’t traded to the AL or shifted to first base. That qualifies as somewhere between faint and high praise. Like I said, we’ll see.

Why? Because

“Why do they wait until the last five minutes to start playing,” asked my wife in the midst of yet another Bears’ comeback. “Because every season has its own logic,” I answered by way of explanation. One year, it could be a bunch of no-hitters or triple plays. Another year, a slew of quadruple-overtime games. Or a record number of homeruns hit, touchdowns thrown, goals scored. It’s just the way of sports. Some combination of fate, God and the odds have dictated that the 2025-26 Bears would come back and win seven games while trailing in the fourth quarter. Last night, they were down 21-9 with fifteen minutes to go before doing what they do to stun the hated Packers 31-27. Nothing like this may ever happen again to an NFL. Fate, God and the odds have a way of deciding things. But what likely won’t change is Caleb Williams’ ability to make big plays; maybe in the years to come he’ll just start doing it earlier. Oh, but in this season of magic/destiny/odds, I particularly enjoyed what he pulled off with 5:37 left on the clock on fourth and eight, Green Bay up by eleven. Williams ran around, as is his wont, and found Rome Odunze for a 27-yard gain deep into Packers’ territory. And he did this as a Green Bay defender sent him to the ground after grabbing at his foot. At least two media types at the game described Soldier Field as literally rocking. I wonder how many of the fans went home thinking, “This would’ve been so much better under a dome” instead of outdoors, the temperature hovering around 32 degrees, a little snow falling before gametime? Kevin Warren should’ve conducted a poll to see how the team might have improved the fan experience.

Silver Lining

What I’ve learned over the last 24 hours: The winner of the Ben Johnson lookalike contest did in fact go topless; the guy who dresses up as Bearman needs close to an hour to get the grease paint and costume just right; and the guy who got a tattoo on top of his head showing the angry Bear logo must have a very high pain tolerance (and given little thought as to how the tattoo will look in another 20-30 years). The silver lining is nobody was quoted saying the Bears needed a new stadium. Sanity hand-in-hand with sanity. What a concept.

Emulation, Not Imitation Bears’ Nation has lost all sanity, fanned on by a local media chasing after ratings and profits. Yesterday, on a local version of the Today Show, I saw a contestant for a Ben Johnson lookalike contest take off his shirt just like the Bears’ head coach did in the team locker room after a win over the Eagles back in November. As my father might say, it’s a good thing imitation didn’t have to include jumping out the window. In the midst of all this insanity came word of the passing of Hall-of-Fame NHL goalie Glenn Hall, who helped the Hawks win the Stanley Cup in 1961. To the best of my knowledge, the 94-year old Hall was never the recipient of a lookalike contest. Not if it meant sitting for the 250 or so stitches Hall received over the course of an eighteen-year career, most of it played without benefit of a mask. Hall was the Lou Gehrig of NHL goalies, starting a record 502 straight regular-season games. A little-remarked fact of that career involved a certain habit—Hall threw up before every game he played. He didn’t keep it a secret. I knew about it in high school. Just something that happened on the way to greatness. What the Bears need is some of that dedication, or courage, if you will. Without the ability to face fear and uncertainty heaed-on, why bother?

Not Again

What, do the Marlins have dirt on both baseball front offices in Chicago? Magic dust? The ability to cast spells? Whatever the answer, Miami has another hitter from these part in exchange for a pitcher with a whole lot question marks attached. First, it was the Whites Sox sending Jake Burger in August of 2023 to the Marlins in exchange for minor-league hurler Jake Eder, a trade that may or may not have signaled the end of the Kenny Williams-Rick Hahn partnership. In his one full season at Double-A Birmingham in 2024, Eder went 2-5 with a 5.09 ERA in fifteen starts. We sold him to the Angels at the end of spring training last year, and the Angels traded him to the Nationals in July. Burger has hit 54 homeruns in the 2-1/2 seasons since. And now the Cubs have gotten into the act by sending outfielder Owen Caissie and two other prospects to Miami for starter Edward Cabrera. The 27-year old had a career year last season, going 8-7 with a 3.53 ERA in 25 starts. The righthander notched 150 strikeouts in 137.2 innings. Both those numbers are career highs. Did I mention he’s also gone on the IL eleven times since turning pro in 2016? The 23-year old, lefthanded-hitting Caissie was seen as having first crack in right field with Kyle Tucker leaving in free agency. (Of course, Tucker could resign with the Cubs, just like Elon Musk could take a vow of silence.) All the guy has ever done in five minor-league seasons—he was drafted out of high school by the Padres in 2020 and traded to the Cubs in the Yu Darvish deal—is hit, and he certainly look relaxed at the plate in a late-season callup to the North Side. It looks like Seiya Suzuki is back in right field, certainly good news for any opposing team; Of course, Suzuki could always win a Gold Glove, just like Elon Musk….On top of that, the 31-year old Suzuki will be entering his walk year. Ditto Ian Happ. What’s the plan here, trade the young guys (remember, they traded Cam Smith for one year of Tucker), resign the old guys? In all honesty, I think the reason I’m ticked is that I would’ve loved to see Caissie starting in right for the Sox. Apparently, Chris Getz doesn’t excel at blackmail the way the Marlins’ front office does.