Mascot Crazy

            The Cubs can’t seem to get started on renovating Wrigley Field, but they found time this week to introduce Clark, a mascot for the kiddies.  Apparently, market research showed a need for appealing to fans ages twelve and under.  Hence, a life-sized, cartoon-faced bear.  Too bad they forgot to give him pants to go with the jersey.  I gather that cranks on the Internet are endowing Clark with big-time genitalia.

            And here I go into whippersnapper cranky mode.  When I was twelve, the game alone was the thing.  Going to Comiskey Park was not unlike going to church, except for the adults drinking beer.  And that didn’t interest me in the least. I was too busy taking in the park, its arches and dimensions and colors.  If there’s such a thing as forest green, why not “35^th and Shields” green or box-seat blue or loge red?  While my ballpark memories may fade, the colors have not.

            So, back in the day of the dinosaur, kids went to the ballpark to watch their heroes play.  It didn’t cost a lot of money, and it didn’t take long.  Then it all changed.  As much as I want to make fun of the Cubs, the White Sox are on their second mascot in the reign of Reinsdorf.  Ribbie and Roobarb graced Sox games long before Southpaw.

            I like my mascots more sincere, or at least less corporate.  Ronnie Woo-Woo cheers from the heart for his Cubs in the way of Andy the Clown did for the White Sox.  Nobody paid the man to roam the aisles in a clown suit and light-up nose and let out a rousing “Go, You White Sox!” rousing because those four words took Andy a full minute or more to get out.  Oh, and I don’t like AC/DC playing on the sound system.

            All of which has made high school and college softball so enjoyable.  It’s National Anthem, player intros, play ball and don’t blink because you’ll only get one chance to see the play.  It’s old school down to the long underwear to keep out the April chill.

            Elmhurst College has some sort of blue jay mascot, but thank heaven he’s never shown up for a game.  That alone was worth the cost of four years’ tuition.  Almost.