A Change of Venue

 If I were king, or just a despot, I would make professional sports teams play in the facilities I considered fit for them.  If I were king, there’d still be a Comiskey Park and Chicago Stadium.

My ballpark was an oasis amidst the industry and smoke that surrounded it and much of the South Side; the Stock Yards were a couple of miles to the southwest.  You couldn’t hear the order of business from there, but you could sure smell it.

Not that it mattered to anyone sitting in the outfield grandstands or down the lines; you were so close to the action all unpleasant thoughts—and smells—not related to baseball lost their hold over the course of nine innings.  By my count, I went to a couple of hundred ballgames at 35^th and Shields and never once felt cheated by the presence of obstructing posts.  As for the bathroom lines, I don’t drink.  Call me Mr. Model T, the old man who would bring back the WCTU.

A packed house at Comiskey could be deafening, unlike at the Cell; either architects forgot or ignored that stretching the upper deck away with cantilever construction dissipates crowd noise.  The same holds true for the United Center.  Once upon a time, the Bulls and Hawks played at the Chicago Stadium, nicknamed The Madhouse on Madison for good reason.  The place was a triple-decked sardine can in the best sense of the term.

The Stadium was torn down for the United Center, which looms massive and ugly on the Near West Side.  Last night, the Bulls beat the Cavs 99-96 on a three-pointer by Derrick Rose at the buzzer.  So, you might say it was an exciting game.  That being the case, then why bother with cheerleaders and guys running around with oversized Bulls flags?  Can’t the team generate its own noise?  If not, blame the hangar the team plays in (along with the Hawks).  As king, I would let my subjects be happily stuffed into a Madhouse.  They deserve no less.