Maybe This Time

Yesterday, MLB started its crackdown on pitchers trying to apply sticky stuff to baseballs. The powers that be obviously don’t like low batting averages. Somebody in New York must’ve figured out that exit velo and launch angle don’t mean squat when applied to a cumulative .239 team BA. Pitchers feel aggrieved, and I get it, sort of. They’ve been allowed to get away with putting sticky stuff on baseballs for awhile now, and, all of a sudden, the commissioner’s office is shocked, shocked I say, that cheating is going on. So, if only to force them to throw more jackable pitches, the league is treating pitchers like suspected drug mules standing in line at customs. Pitchers say they need something that allows them to grip the ball. You don’t want us hitting batters unintentionally, they say, to which I reply, You’re right. Here’s a thought: how about moving the production of baseballs back to the U.S.? Put the factory in Pennsylvania or Ohio rather than Costa Rica (where MLB baseballs are currently produced), and you have the proximity necessary for honest-to-goodness quality control. Next, ask Cooperstown for some balls to study. Take some from, say, 1960 and ’70. Figure out their properties; pitchers weren’t grip-challenged back then. If I recall, most cheaters really stood out because they were obviously loading up the ball, except for those lucky enough to have catchers scuff or cut the ball for them. You can read all about it in Jim Bouton’s Ball Four. In fact, you could name the newly inshored baseballs after Bouton. Personally, I’m all for this get-tough approach. Too bad baseball didn’t do the same with steroids. Maybe, instead of looking the other way all those years players juiced up, owners could’ve gone in a different direction to win back fans. You know, like firing Bud Selig as commissioner for allowing the ’94 strike to happen and ostracize Jerry Reinsdorf for manipulating Selig to take his anti-player stand. Get rid of those two perpetrators, and you don’t need the Sosa-McGwire joke of a show. Oh, well, getting it right one out of two times is better than zero out of two.