Road Rage

In the car, I think and act like a driver; on my bike, like a cyclist; and on foot, like a pedestrian.  This can lead to multiple-personality disorder, but so far so good.  The one thing the three of me can agree on is, nobody wants to share.

There are certain parts of Chicago I try to avoid driving in, not because of crime but for fear of hitting a cyclist.  Go to Bucktown or Wicker Park, and you’d think it was the Tour de France.  People on bikes zooming along Division Street cannot be bothered by traffic laws; those are for fossil-fuel fools.  If you’re not careful in these places, you’ll end up with a more or less breathing hood ornament staring back at you.

Pedestrians can be a pain, too, but I’ve been on the lookout for them since I passed my driving test back in the summer of 1970.  Since people will do stupid things, it’s up to me not to make things worse, although anyone waltzing in front of me when I have the left-hand turn arrow is tempting fate.  You never know when someone will snap.

And I’m starting to wonder how long until there’s a full-scale transportation riot in the streets of Chicago, walkers vs. peddlers vs. drivers.  I was on the Chicago Lakefront Trail yesterday and didn’t know who to go after first.  Would it be the spandex speeders who can’t be bothered with a simple “on your left” when passing and take either side of the trail when the mood strikes, or the walkers who are under the misimpression they can walk three abreast without courting disaster?  The wonder is I don’t have a stroke by the end of the trail.

I could also talk about how drivers go out of their way to make life miserable and dangerous for cyclists, but I long ago stopped daring cars to hit me on the street; in a game of chicken, it’s never good to spot the other guy a couple thousand pounds.  I try to stay on paths whenever possible, only to run into—proverbially, not literally—those mentioned above.  Rahm Emanuel seems to think he’s the mayor of San Diego, not Chicago, with his carving bike lanes out of streets; various suburbs are following his lead.  Anybody who’s driven in these parts with snow on the ground knows how hard that can be.  Now we have to cope with people/narcissists who want to bike through a snowstorm.

This is not going to end well, I fear.