Scripted

Before the Greatest Playoff Game of All Time (because it involves the Universe’s Team), local news did stories on the brave Cub warriors who would bring victory to the universal—this family excluded—faithful, many of whom showed their undying loyalty by showing up in St. Louis, where they could be their obnoxious selves.

After the game, the results of which didn’t shake the confidence of warriors and faithful alike, local news led with highlights—oh, so close to victory, which then would have made the game important again—before cutting to the bars, where the more sluggish of the faithful watched the flat screens and said brave things about Game Two of the Most Important Playoff Series of All Time (because it involves the Universe’s Team).

Repeat, as necessary.