Cubs Win! Cubs Win! Blah, Blah

 Oh, how happy the herd.  Sportswriters, sportscasters, fans and blowhards can’t say enough about what an offseason the Cubs are having.  First, they sign pitcher John Lackey away from the archrival Cardinals, then they sign super-sub Ben Zobrist, and, yesterday, they land outfielder Jayson Heyward from the Cards in a six-year, $184 million deal.  Get measured for those rings, boys.  Or maybe not.

I’m a crank from the South Side, so you know I won’t be jumping on the World Series bandwagon anytime soon.  Here’s why:  There’s a difference between big contracts and big players.  Zobrist gets a four-year deal at $56 million; he’ll be 35 in May.  Lackey signed on for two years at $32 million; Lackey turns 38 next October.  And Heyward comes in at eight years for $184 million, kind of.  The contract apparently includes two performance-based opt-out clauses.  In other words, if Heyward’s real good, the rest of the deal becomes make-believe, and, if he stinks, well, guess who gets stuck honoring the remainder of the contract?  Heads I win, tails you lose.  And don’t ask why a player who stands 6’5” and weighs 245 pounds has only hit 97 homeruns in six years.

With all due respect to the workings of Theo Epstein, I think the Cubs’ glass remains half empty.  Zobrist and Lackey are a twinge away from going downhill while Heyward is expected to shift from right field to center; usually, it’s the other way around.  The Cubs also traded away Starlin Castro to the Yankees for starter-reliever Adam Warren.  Zobrist and Warren could end up being two toys too many for manager Joe Maddon.  Normally, versatility is a good thing, but with Maddon I’m thinking good thing gone bad.  He’ll put Zobrist in at three positions during the course of a game to the point that everyone, especially Zobrist, gets dizzy.  Oops, the winning run scores on the Zobrist bobble.  Warren joins Travis Cahill, Clayton Richard and Travis Wood as someone who can either start or relieve.  How many times do you think Maddon will be tempted to use all four, with one of them starting?  When smart becomes cute, it stops being smart.

Oh, and did I mention sophomore slump? Not that Cub fans think it could happen to Kris Bryant or Kyle Schwarber, but I do.  And Jake Arrieta, Mr. Cy Young, looked awfully average his last two or three starts in the playoffs….