Abandon Ship, Abandon Ship

Holy belly-up, Batman.  The Bulls really stink.  Yes, they do, Boy Wonder, and here’s why—the Riddler and the Joker, aka Jerry Reinsdorf and his son Michael.  The one owns the team, the other “runs” it.

Because of injuries, the team is playing at anything other than full strength.  But sports is all about effort, regardless the talent on the roster, and the Bulls at 4-13 don’t try, as evidenced by their 123-104 loss on Friday to the Bucks.  The score at halftime was 63-45, Bulls.  I repeat, Chicago was winning by 18 going into the third quarter, where they got outscored 46-17.  According to the Bulls’ website, they lost “despite a strong and energetic first half.”  You know what that makes the second half, right?  At home against Toronto last night, they did even worse.  Here, let the website headline paint an unpretty picture:  Bulls come out flat in loss to Raptors, 122-83.  Ya think?    

Players aren’t playing defense, again.  Players are turning the ball over in double figures, again.  Players are starting to question what’s happening, again.  Coach Fred Hoiberg points out the obvious, again.  Hoiberg was on the sideline Saturday, again.  The reasons for that are beyond me.

No, wait.  Hoiberg has a job because this team is operated by Reinsdorfs one and two, who confuse dysfunction with performance.  The Bulls sort of stink like the…White Sox, come to think of it.  The Sox may be slightly better off because one only Reinsdorf is involved (although Kenny Williams tries his best to even things up).

I mean, even some of the injuries are head-scratchingly weird, starting with Lauri Markkanen’s.  The second-year forward hurt his elbow the first week of practice and has yet to appear in a game this season.  What kind of elbow injury keeps a player out eight-plus weeks?  Nobody has talked about the possibility of Tommy John surgery, so what’s the holdup?  Ah, the team is being careful, as in taking the lemon of an injury and turning it into possible lemonade.  The more losses, the better the draft choice, you know.

And then we have Denzel Valentine, who played a few games at the start of the season before “spraining” his ankle.  The sprain turned into a bone bruise, and now there’s not even the hint of a timetable for his return.  But fear not, Bulls’ fans, for the more losses you endure, the better your team’s draft standing will be.

This would almost be funny if it weren’t so Reinsdorfianly sad.