A Match Made in Heaven

 Jenrry, meet Maria.  You two are made for each other

Yesterday, five-time Grand Slam tennis champion Maria Sharapova held a press conference during which she admitted testing positive in January for a banned substance.  For the past ten years, the 28-year has been taking a drug popular in eastern Europe as heart medication; apparently, her doctor thought it was some sort of miracle drug that would help fight off the flu and the onset of diabetes in his patient.  It’s a good thing Sharapova is so attractive, or reporters might have burst into laughter at her explanation.

This is where it gets really good.  The drug increases oxygen intake, which is great for people who have a hard time breathing.  Oh, wait, athletes have a hard time breathing deep into a game or match.  What a coincidence.  Sharapova was just trying to stay healthy, and here she is inadvertently taking a performance-enhancing drug.  Maybe I should mention here that you can’t get this drug in the U.S.  Either Sharapova sent away for it or somebody managed to supply her.  Wow, no warning bells went off for ten years.  Sharapova might want to get her hearing checked.  

And this is where it gets better yet—Sharapova received an email in December concerning newly banned substances, but she didn’t read it.  The highest paid female athlete in the world, whose image is worth millions and millions of dollars, didn’t read an email about drugs that could endanger her brand, to say nothing of her tennis career.  (Actually, she read it but didn’t click onto the link for the updated list of banned substances.)  Me, I get anything from the World Anti-Doping Agency, and I’m opening it.  But, hey, tennis stars may be too busy to worry about that kind of thing.  Too bad Sharapova’s management team didn’t know to be on the lookout for an update.  

According to today’s NYT, a 2015 study looked at the urine samples of 8300 athletes and found 182 of them using this drug; there must be a lot of flu and diabetes going around.  Wouldn’t it be fun to hear their excuses?  Or maybe the mighty Vladimir Putin could come to their aid by charging there’s a conspiracy by the West to frame Russian athletes.

I know one baseball player who’d believe it.