Laying Down the F'n Law

 My, my, my.  HOF reliever Goose Gossage certainly got up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday.  During an interview with ESPN, Gossage called bat-flipping Jose Bautista a “disgrace” and said the national pastime was being ruined by “nerds” in the front office.  Actually, he said fornicating “disgrace” and “nerds.”

Gossage is proudly old school, except when it comes to free agency; he was more than happy to enter a brave new world there.  Anyway, he doesn’t like hitters showing up pitchers, and he despises sabermetrics.  I went to ESPN to see if the ex-White Sox said anything about closers making fools of themselves as well, but der Gooser was quiet on that score.

Making things even more interesting was Bryce Harper, also talking to ESPN, in his comment that “baseball is a tired sport because you can’t express yourself.”  And Mr. Harper has how many World Series rings?  Oops, I’ve just outed myself as old school.  Fine, then.  I want my pitchers to act like Bob Gibson and Mariano Rivera, either all fire or ice, and I want my hitters to be like those old Yankee teams.  Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle—they were assassins in pinstripes, killing your team without the barest hint of emotion as they ran the bases, or trotted after a three-run homer.

That’s how you play the game.  Oh, and try not to come off as a potty mouth when explaining yourself.